Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The Five Broken Promises of Windows Vista

A little rundown of some of the ways Vista isn't all we were told it would be. Like I've been telling you for months.

I use it daily, but I also use it with the full knowledge that it's a pre-service pack 1 OS from the boys in Redmond. That necessarily means it will have glitches, bugs, and annoyances. That's a given.

I'm willing to put up with all those headaches, certainly more so than Jim Louderback. But there were several things I was really looking forward to in Vista that are simply missing in action or broken. These are features I'd really hope would improve my productivity and make life a little easier.

HA!


Read it here.

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Another WH40k:DOW Expansion

Seems the next one is called Soulstorm, and word has it the new race introduced will be the Dark Eldar. I'm a little nonplussed by that little tidbit, but what the hell... if Chaos isn't "Dark Human" than what is it?

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Friday, September 14, 2007

Off Topic Friday #8 - Plugging the Wiki

Alright, so this week's Off Topic Friday isn't entirely off topic. It's still got to do with video games.

I administrate the Video Game Babes Wiki, another part of the GasBanditry.com conglomerate. I'm trying (ok, perhaps trying is a generous description of the amount of effort I've put in lately, but...) to build a visual catalogue of every attractive female in video gaming, ever. I think I've made a pretty good effort thus far, but the reason I made it a Wiki instead of just another page was so that anybody could contribute. Because, of course, there's way too much for one man to do, 'specially when there's video games that need playing.

So anyway, if you want to see what I've got so far, and maybe think you could contribute, just head on over. You'll need to register a login to contribute (which is a fast process, anyway), but not to view what's already there.

If you have any questions about anything there, such as how it works, the method by which it is organized, or just want to spout off at me, my E-mail address is listed at the top-right of this page. Feel free to use it.

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Thursday, September 13, 2007

Zero Punctuation Reviews - Tomb Raider Anniversary

The cranky British version of the Micro Machines Man is back again, this time talking about Tomb Raider Anniversary, which I reviewed myself some time ago. He's meaner to it than I was, but I think that may have something to do with him reviewing the PS2 version whereas I reviewed the PC version (which doesn't have many of the issues he talks about). Anyway, without further ado...

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Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I've Found the Perfect PC Party Game Experience.

A lot of console enthusiasts like to point out how fun it is to get a few friends together and play some Smash Brothers or Mario Party or Mario Kart or Kung Fu Chaos or whatever other multi-multi-player game is available to them and have a Big'ol'Time (tm) yelling and hooting and laughing and playing and whatnot.

And for a long while, that's kind of been something hard to find in a LAN party atmosphere. I mean, sure you've got your Deathmatches in FPSes, and 8-way clusterhumps in the RTS of your choice, but often enough these were as much excercises in frustration as fun for at least some portion of the attendees. And I know, I spent many a weekend back in high school carting my 486 over to my buddy Adam's basement, along with 4 other friends who were doing the same thing, and spending the next 48 hours in a candy-and-soda fueled frenzy of unbathed nerdery. Yeah, come sunday afternoon we were six tired, smelly, incontinent, frazzled lumps of humanity but overall we had a blast.

But there was always something wrong with each game we played. Somebody was too good at this one. Nobody but guy X liked that other one, but he kept pestering the others so they played it (I raise my hand as the guilty one here). Yet another would not work on somebody's machine.

I think I've found the solution, and only 10 or 15 years too late to help my situation!

The answer is the Serious Sam multiplayer co-op experience.

As I'm sure you are all aware, Serious Sam was a pleasant surprise from previously unknown Croatian dev house Croteam, blasting onto the scene a few years ago, followed by two sequels (Serious Sam: The Second Encounter and the deceptively named Serious Sam II, which is, in fact, the third Serious Sam game). The weapons are over the top, the levels are cleverly made, and the enemies are novel. The whole thing is just a great big funfest, with big guns, big men, big enemies, and enough spent brass to build a life-size statue of Unicron.

I recently got the opportunity to play it multiplayer cooperatively (looking for ANY reason these days not to play WoW). For a good long while, I've been prejudiced against FPSes in Coop mode (abarring, of course, BF1942) due largely thanks to peer pressure exerted upon me back in high school, where friends of mine seemed to hold the opinion that openly expressing a desire to try Co-op play in Doom was analogous to declaring one's self to be homosexual (I'm looking at you, PPMcBiggs). Finally, though, I've conquered my old school insecurities and gave it a shot.

It was a blast. Serious Sam is the perfect Co-op FPS. Everything that was good about Sam singleplayer (Big guns go bang) is better multiplayer, and everything bad (they expect me to kill HOW many giant aliens at once??) is lessened by having friends with you. The difficulty can scale as you see fit, the respawns are adroitly handled and smoothly implemented, ammo and other powerups are all able to be picked up by everybody (so once guy can't bogart all the ammo), and best of all you don't have to sign up for any stupid online big-brother service to set up and run your games because you can all join by IP address with no 3rd party intervention whatsoever. Players can join and leave the game dynamically (which means you don't have to restart the game to let somebody back in if they drop connection or something), and all in all the thing just goes right out of the box without a damned hitch for up to EIGHT players simultaneously.

And one of the things that was impressive about Sam even when it came out was that it delivered superior looking graphics at modest hardware requirements, so even your poorest of computer buddies can probably play this, and your casual buddy with a laptop that sports the generic Intel 3D accelerator can too. And the levels are all bright and colorful, which was a big selling point to me back then, when every other FPS seemed to be engaged in a contest to see who could get their players to stumble around blindly in the dark the most.

So, if you're looking for something different to try at your next LAN party, I heartily recommend the Co-op mode of Serious Sam (and possibly its sequels) by Croteam. Especially if you set the game to the most enemies possible, turn on infinite respawns and infinite ammo (yes those ARE options in game setup, Croteam apparently knew what the hell they were doing), and then just have at it.

And that's the word from Bandit Camp.

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Guitar Hero 3 Comes to PC! (Oh, and Mac)

You heard right. Guitar Hero 3 will also be ported to PC and Mac. It's tempting. Even with Frets On Fire.

Lord help me.

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I Think I'm Tired of Star Wars.

I may have to turn in my geekery license for this, but I can't drum up any enthusiasm for the latest Star Wars game.

Remember when Lucasarts made more games than just Star Wars games? Remember Monkey Island? Indiana Jones? Maniac Mansion? Zack McCracken? Full Throttle? Grim Fandango? Sam & Max (though they've made a combat, I'll admit)? Thems was fun times, weren't they?

Maybe it's just because I'm tired of witnessing George Lucas, or one of his licensees, take a big stinky shit in a cardboard box, slap a picture of a wookie on the outside, and ship a million units (one of whom goes to me, because it's Star Wars so I have to buy it, right?). I guess I'm just glad that Episode 3 wrapped up on a decent quality note, but it couldn't erase two terrible movies, a bajillion overhyped and overexposed novels, and a smattering of games which, at best, can be described as hit or miss. It's gotten to the point that I don't even think that, if it were rereleased using modern engines and hardware, I'd even want to play what was once my favoritest PC game franchise of all time, the X-Wing/Tie Fighter series. I'm just that tired of it.

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Monday, September 10, 2007

ArchLord - Turns Out There's A Reason It's Free.

It seems to me that often I don't get to flex my "cranky" muscle doing a lot of these reviews. Well, I'm happy to say an opportunity to remedy this situation has presented itself.

Astute readers will recall a while back I linked an article talking about how some MMOs were switching from monthly fees to fee-free/micropayment models. The big one quoted there was Archlord.

Lately I've been so burnt out on WoW that some days I think if I have to see just one more Dranei I'm going to scream. So, this weekend I took the opportunity to check out what, if anything, there was to this vaunted ArchLord game. Short answer? Not much.

Codemasters has laid a real stinker here. I can't believe they actually expected anybody to really pay for this turd at any point. I'll break down my gripes into categories.

Technical-
The graphics are about 1999ish or so, there's no support for widescreen resolutions. Anti-aliasing is either "on" or "off," with no indication whether it is 2x, 4x, 6x or whatever, and on top of that having it "on" causes text to sometimes "hide" itself under things that are rendered behind it, even something as unobtrusive as open ground. The UI is clunky and slow, and for a click-to-move style game the pathing is nonexistant. The /ignore command does not work for shouts... so the spammer shouting "BUY MY PLATINUM CHEST! /w Charllot" every 8 seconds for 4 hours straight is only filterable by leaving the shout channel entirely, which should not happen. Speaking of which...

The Players-

From every nation and every walk of life they come, and you can't get away from them. And they all want to chat with everybody, because let's face it, the game is pretty dull (see next section). But this is the internet, and when you put the whole world in one room all it takes is one chucklehead to say the word "Bush" and all of a suddenly the monsters seem to be taking more damage from angry european gibberish and jingo english tirades than from your +2 sword of uniformity. And speaking of uniformity, that brings me to...

Gameplay, AKA "The Asian Factor"-

Why is it every MMORPG game conceived in the far east seems to think that character customization doesn't belong in an RPG? Not only is there no stat customization (which can be forgiven if there are other options, a-la WoW), the extent to which you can customize your character's appearance consists of race, class, and 5 faces and 5 haircuts. You can't even pick your gender for crying out loud. Human fighter? You're a male. No choice. Mage? Female. No room for negotiation. There's no deviation from standard in body type, equipment, gender, and even the various available "faces" and "hairstyles" are incredibly generic and don't give you choices of colors within as a subset. There was a similar problem in Space Cowboy Online, if I recall. There's no tactics at all employed, either (and no support classes to enable tactics, either.. everybody's a fighter, ranged attacker or offensive magic user). Combat consists of target, turn on autoattack, and fire whatever timered abilities you have until they're all recycling or you're out of mana. Though that isn't an excuse, the game supplies you with copious potion drops, and no sort of cooldown between using them. So you can pretty much kill any number of enemies so long as you keep guzzling the potions. And only the most rudimentary quests are there to break up the grinding. Go here and get this, kill X of monster Y, and come back. At least RF Online (another Codemasters exercise in mediocrity) had the self awareness to know that if you were going to make potion gulping a requisite part of success you should provide an easy way to make the gulping automatic, and also used a cell-phone like mechanic to remove the "and come back to me" part from quests. But for the most part, what you are left with is a veritable army of identical drones grinding away in repetition in the same conveniently placed zoo-display like monster spawns. It's as if absolutely no thought went into monster placement in world design. All the level 1 monsters go here. All the level 2 ones go here. All the level 3 ones go slightly farther out, and so on. It's a bot user's wet dream... or perhaps a chinese gold farmer's easiest day's work ever. At least the translation is halfway decent, though you do see the occasional pidgin interject itself. I can has silver sword?

The Misapplied Budget-
I think I see why the rest of the game is so crappy. I don't know how much it costs, but I bet it isn't cheap to get your game's entire musical score performed by the London Symphony Orchestra. So at least you have pretty music to listen to while your brain dies of asphyxiation in this abominable abortion of banality of biblical proportions? Well, almost. The LSO may perform it, but whoever composed the score was having a serious case of the mondays that day. And there's one piece that I swear is lifted right out of the movie "The Mask Of Zorro."

Well, that about sums it up for me. One game, one day, 1.4 gig download, a few hours of playtime and already sick of it. No wonder it had to go free-to-play. A very unrepentant D.

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Sunday, September 09, 2007

Monkey Island Fast Forwarded... WTF?

If you're like me, this game was a major part of the formation of your opinion of what makes a good game. Apparently someone else agreed enough to create an entire hand-drawn fast-forwarded (badly voice-acted) movie of the entirety of The Secret of Monkey Island by Lucasfilm Games (which later became Lucasarts, which much later suddenly started to refuse making anything that wasn't Star-Wars).

So, go watch, if you have fond memories of Monkey Island. If you don't, well, don't. And piss off.

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Horizons Billing Issues

Man, am I glad I never fell into the trap of playing this overhyped monstrosity. From Bluesnews -

The Horizons community forums offer another twist in the quite twisted tale of Horizons: Empire of Istaria, the MMORPG that's had nearly as many owners as players since it was developed. You may recall the last installment in this soap opera involved the latest transfer of the game, from EI Interactive to Virtrium, LLC (story), and how Virtrium had already replaced EI Interactive's insecure billing method with a new system. Unfortunately it seems the old billing system makes up for its lack of safety measures with a degree of relentlessness, as the post states El is failing to transfer subscriptions to Virtrium, and is still billing folks for a game they no longer run. As for the game side of this, word is: "This does nothing to affect Horizons moving forward. It's taken a lot of time, energy and money to reach this point, and it's good that we can now move forward. In fact, we can stop putting energy into this issue and put that effort into Horizons." As far as those still being unfairly billed, they outline a course of action to follow
Read more at Bluesnews

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Apple Tries, Fails, to Thwart Iphone Free Ringtones

Apple took another fell stab at choking off the ability of their enslaved drones to do what they want with the products they buy, this time taking the form of a patch to iTunes designed to prevent users from creating their own ringtones and then synching them to their iPhones. However, it seems a workaround already exists.

Chalk another one up for the internet hive mind, and for consumer rights everywhere.

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Friday, September 07, 2007

Zero Punctuation Bioshock Review

I was seriously considering writing a bioshock review, even after all the posts I've made about it thus far, but then I saw this British guy do it better than I ever could, expressing just about every opinion I have on the matter save for the awful things I've already said.

So... go watch this.

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Thursday, September 06, 2007

Tabula Rasa Goes Gold

The latest brainchild of Ultima creator Richard Garriot (formerly known as Lord British) has gone gold - a Sci Fi MMO called Tabula Rasa.

(Source - Bluesnews)

NCsoft Announces Launch Date for Richard Garriott's Tabula Rasa

Gaming legend's widely anticipated online space adventure to launch October 19th

Thursday 6th September/...NCsoft® Europe, the world’s leading developer and publisher of online computer games, announced today that Richard Garriott’s Tabula Rasa® has reached gold master status and will launch commercial service in Europe and North America on October 19, 2007. Pre-order customers will begin their three-day head start on October 16.

One of the most anticipated PC games of the year, Tabula Rasa is gaming legend Richard Garriott’s newest title, which combines a vast, persistent game world and rich storyline with fast paced action. Set in a near-future science fiction storyline, players create characters that must fight to save humanity against hostile alien enemies while trying to gain control of the universe. The game introduces several innovative elements to massively multiplayer online (MMO) games, including a Character Cloning System™ that allows players to explore different character classes without having to create a new character, and dynamic battlefields where players experience the frenetic action of combat in an ongoing war.

“It has been a heck of a journey,” said Richard Garriott, the game’s Executive Producer. “The fact that we are getting ready for the final stretch towards launch feels great, but it is also just the beginning. I think we’ve managed to do something truly unique and I hope that the gaming community likes it as much as we do. Now, I am looking forward to a really fun ‘end of beta event’ for our incredible testers, and focusing development on new planets and innovations for future expansions of Tabula Rasa.”

The standard edition box of Richard Garriott’s Tabula Rasa will be available at major retailers at an expected retail price of £29.99 / €44.99 and at the PlayNC® store (https://secure.plaync.com/cgi-bin/Store.pl?language=en-gb). Customers will be able to purchase the recently announced Limited Collector’s Edition box from major retailers at an expected retail price of £49.99 / €69.99. Both products include the first month of online game play. After the first month, players will be charged a monthly subscription fee of £8.99 / €12.99. The game is rated 16+ by PEGI (www.pegi.info).

For more information about Richard Garriott’s Tabula Rasa go to http://www.rgtr.com.

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F.E.A.R. Sequel Titled

Needless to say, I am disappointed they did not choose my submission, S.C.A.R.E.D. S.H.I.T.L.E.S.S.

The new title, as "picked by the community," is Project Origin.

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Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Two More Reasons Bioshock = Worst Launch Evar

(1), Your Radeon 9800 pro 256, which still sells on pricewatch for over 100 bucks (it was 200 back in the day), won't run bioshock because it doesn't use shader model 3. Never mind that it has more video muscle than many cards that do. Thank goodness somebody over at http://shadershock.tk is willing to kludge the backward-compatibility that 2k thinks is so negligible.

(2) Sharing with your brother IST VERBOTEN! Das wird nicht erlaubt! Way to play right into the pirates' hands, 2k.

Read the other reasons.

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Joust - The Movie?

A movie, based on the classic arcade game Joust?? Can no video game IP go untainted?!

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Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Xbox Live Users Getting Reprimanded For Using Word "Linux"

That's right. Get a load of this. Apparently mentioning "Linux" could get you in trouble on Live.

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Sunday, September 02, 2007

World of Borecraft - Educational Games Still Suck

An interesting little op-ed over at Slate, I found via Bluesnews. Go read.

Ever since video games were invented, parents and teachers have been trying to make them boring. Any child of the 1980s and 1990s will remember Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing and Math Blaster Mystery: The Great Brain Robbery, games that promised to make skills acquisition fun. They'll also remember ditching Mavis Beacon for something with guns as soon as their parents' backs were turned. Making games educational is like dumping Velveeta on broccoli. Liberal deployment of the word blaster can't hide the fact that you're choking down something that's supposed to be good for you.

The basic issue here is that it's easier to make a fun game educational than it is to inject fun into an educational game. In his 2005 book, Everything Bad Is Good for You, Steven Johnson argues that games like The Sims and Grand Theft Auto make us smarter by training the mind in adaptive behavior and problem-solving. Most overtly educational software, though, ignores the complexities that make games riveting and enriching. The serious-gaming types think they can create educational software from whole cloth. In reality, they have a lot to learn from Grand Theft Auto.

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Saturday, September 01, 2007

The People's Mario

Da, Comrade.

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King of the Console Gamers

I'm a hard guy to impress, but my hat's off to this fella.

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