Monday, June 18, 2007

And Now, a Public Service Announcement

I apologize, I really try not to "break format" here, but I feel compelled to tell all my readers (yes, all three of you) the following message.

Do NOT go see the new Fantastic 4 movie.

It's bad.

Really bad. Not even "bad in a good kind of way," like the kind of bad some people love to watch? No, no, no. It's bad bad. The plot is laughable. There are some potholes in the parking lot out front of my apartment that are deeper than either the story or the characters, or all of them combined really. The only thing the movie has going for it are some special effects, most you saw before in T2: Judgement Day. Reed is some sort of adult ADHD-posterboy, Susan's a whiny little "why can't I have a wedding day" wench whose only true function in the movie is to circulate blood through Jessica Alba's body on camera, Johnny is a dick who is starting to get as moody as his sister, and the Thing had about as much personality as one of your more garden variety, non-orange, non-talking rocks. And I don't know who that Victor guy was supposed to be, because he sure as hell wasn't Dr. Doom. I think I got a better look at the inside of my own skull from rolling my eyes so much. You can't even say "at least it was faithful to the source material" because (spoiler alert, select text to read) they changed Galactus into cosmic bad weather.(Spoiler ends)

Just... save yourself the time and expense. Ignore this movie. Everyone associated with this colossal pile of moldy, nutty, cheesy turd should be ashamed, ashamed of themselves.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow... as picky as Kurtz usually is about comic book movies, I wonder why he liked this one so much. Cuz I haven't heard one good thing about it so far except from his blog.

Rojo said...

Oops, "anonymous" is me. :P

Anyway, thanks for the movie warning and confirming my fears (in your spoiler text), but I have to see it regardless because of my 8 year old comic-movie-loving son. Cry for me.